I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
