is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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