We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
