Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
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He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
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On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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