$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
