u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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