piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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