I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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