I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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