he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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