Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
