Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
