My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
