he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
