I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm too high and old for this...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
