Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
