Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
