Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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