there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
