I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
