i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She even gives head with a lisp.
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I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
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I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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