Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
