Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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