i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
