I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
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K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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