if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
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No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
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You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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