We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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