the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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