I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my being single is dangerous.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
