I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
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i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
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I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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