do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
