Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
