woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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