He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
