Can i not drive my cunt home
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
