sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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