Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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