my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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