Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
