Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Your cock deserves a montage
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
