when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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