Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
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There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
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i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
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