Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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