she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
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it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
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I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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