My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
