I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's shark week go big or go home
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
