And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
