I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
