I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
