I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
