yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
