i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
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I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
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All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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