Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
