gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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