so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
