He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
