so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
