Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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