I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
