i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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