Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
